Week 33: Welcome back, emotions.

As was promised, the third trimester is turning into the first all over again.  I am SO TIRED.  This morning I got out of breath while…making a smoothie and watering plants?  Yeah, that sure is exhausting.  After I finished breakfast I had to go sit down on the bed to recover.  I told the Lumberjack that I (honestly) just wanted to puke a few times and then go to sleep.  That sounded like the absolute best.  He did not agree with me; ergo, here I am at work.

Also!  You guys I am SO EMOTIONAL.  It’s so stupid.  That’s all I have to say about that.

We forgot to take a picture this week (yes, that made me cry when I remembered – however, I am too tired to do anything about it), but I did sit for an art drawing class so you can look at me NAKED.  So scandalous.  It’s through Dr. Sketchy’s – a program that gets art students & burlesque dancers together.  We dance and then pose; they draw us.  I emailed the woman in charge a few weeks ago and asked if she was interested in pregnant ladies and she got Very Excited.  She knew another burlesque dancer who is due 5 days after me, so we both sat for a “Very Pregnant” special Dr. Sketchy’s event.  The artists all seemed really excited…especially this one dude in a sweater vest who waited after the show to give me a drawing and tell me how wonderful this was.  He seemed reeeeeeeally happy to be talking to a pregnant lady.  Not going to lie – it was a little awkward.

On Monday I get back on a dumb plane to fly to Boulder for the second of my 2-week training events.  Thumbs down.

This post is too negative!  When I am not exhausted and/or crying, things are going quite well.  The Lumberjack is ridiculously excited about the baby, which totally cheers me up no matter how weepy I am.  I can’t wait to see this kid’s face; I hope he looks like the Lumberjack, because his is the best face in the world.


Week 22: baby’s last burlesque show

Week 22: the Lumberjack steals all my attention.

I’m still enjoying the unicorn sparkly rainbow happiness of the second trimester, but  the poor Lumberjack is not nearly as happy…poor guy got The Flu, and has been pretty miserable for almost a week.  He started sleeping on the couch, since his coughing was waking me up (it was seriously like an air horn right in my ear) and he didn’t want to infect me (aww).  I told him this was ridiculous – he’s sick!  he gets the bed!  He responded with – you’re pregnant!  you get the bed!  This was a stupid argument, but I let him win anyway.  Besides, it’s a very comfortable couch, and he gets the tv.  I think he’ll survive.

So anyway, I get to play nurse, and make up a bed for him, bring him coconut water, etc.  Last night when I was getting him clean sheets, I realized THIS IS WHAT MOMS DO and I got a little excited.  Not that I want to have a sick kid.  But it’s a really good feeling to be able to take care of people I love and know I’m helping them feel a little bit better.

(I will also be glad when he is healthy again so that I can go back to being the one waited on.  I only have 18 more weeks!)

I had my final burlesque show on Saturday.  It felt good to get back out on the stage, and sad to be leaving…but also: damn, I get tired easily.  I think this is the right time to (temporarily!) hang up my pasties.

Week 19: you guys, I’m totally pregnant

So it’s really official now – everyone knows it.  I am pregnant.  My stomach sticks out, I have to pee all the time, I lose all concentration if I haven’t eaten in over an hour, my nose is always running, and WHAT IS UP WITH MY SCALP.  I have dandruff.  wtF.  I’m not enjoying that part.

That's a new profile

But otherwise this pregnancy thing is pretty fun.  I really do sit around with my hands on my belly.  I take it on adventures (on Friday we went on a little picnic), just me and the belly.  I take pictures of it from my perspective, and record little anecdotes about what we’re up to.  The plan is to make it all into a little book, but who knows if I’ll actually make that happen. 

I had another one of my stupid freakouts last night, where I inexplicably decide that the Lumberjack is eventually going to tire of me, that I’m not interesting enough/don’t share his interests/don’t want to spend two hours at experimental music concerts/etc, and that it’s only a matter of time before I am OLD and ALONE with NOTHING.  I wish I could blame this on pregnancy hormones, but this random panicking is par for the course for me (and So Much Fun for the Lumberjack).  Anyway, the Lumberjack was, as usual, sweet and kind without actually giving any credence to my stupid fears.  And he said “of course I’m not going to leave you – you and the Little Terrorist are my family.” 

We Are A Family.  Whaaaaaaat.  It’s true, and so weird to realize.  It’s not just the two of us, a legal entity that could be undone if desired.  We’re a FAMILY and are forevermore linked and united. 

So, that’s awesome.

Week 18: I can can-can (for now)

Does this costume make me look pregnant?

I capped off a relatively happy and uneventful week with one of my last burlesque shows as a pregnant lady.  We did a bunch of high-impact/energy numbers which definitely took its toll afterward as I panted in the dressing room.  It’s official – I don’t think I should be can-can-ing anymore!

We have two more shows in April, but we’re just doing one number in each and it’s not too high-impact, so I think I should be fine.  But…my stomach seems to have exploded because suddenly I Seriously Look Pregnant.  We altered the costume for April’s shows to cover my belly, but still.  I’m not feeling burlesque-y in the same way as I used to, so I’m glad that I won’t be performing much longer.

Otherwise week 18 was pretty relaxed.  Saw my midwife again and heard the baby’s heartbeat – this time it was super syncopated and sounded like the bass line of a rap song.  I felt a few flutters that seemed like it could be Baby Movement, but nothing much.

Oh, and I ate an entire jar of peanut butter.   And it was DELICIOUS.

Week 13…second trimester wooooooooooo


Little has changed this week, which is actually a bummer.  I was expecting all the glitter & rainbows that everyone says happens during the magical second trimester, and instead I got more nausea, even more intense than it’s been so far.  Like, mouth filling up with watery spit omg-I’m-about-to-puke nausea.  I think this is what most women have been having for weeks, while I was complaining about feeling a little hungover, so for that: I’m sorry for not understanding.  Please take back these feelings – I do not want them.
In my non-pregnant life, things have been moving along normally.  My hypochondriac Lumberjack finally got on my health insurance and saw a doctor who confirmed that no, he does not have cancer that is going to kill him in 6 months.  So, that was good.  Had our quarterly costume sweatshop with the burlesque troupe where I spent a few hours sewing rows of lace onto bras while Head Lady In Charge re-vamped the costume’s current bustier top into a babydoll dress so that I won’t be exploding out of it when we perform in April (aka when I am 20 weeks pregnant).
Oh, and the Lumberjack told his whole family about the Little Terrorist, so it is officially known.  Still keeping it off the Facebook for now, but it’s no longer crazy top-secret (confidential to my favourite A3: you are forgiven).
Okay, back to work.

the amazing maternity jeans from Week 12

Oliver & the Little Terrorist: Week 13, A View From Above

I got an award!  So exciting!

Thanks so much to Broken Condoms (the irony of thanking failed birth control is not lost on me) for linking to me – I’m still brand new, and totally appreciate being connected with more people.  Especially pregnant people who will post things that make me feel more normal.  Get on that, won’t you?

I’m not following many people yet, especially since no one knows I’m pregnant so I can’t connect this blog with anyone I know.  But here are the blogs I’ve been reading so far:

  1. I’ll Sleep When They’re Grown
  2. Dear #$&!% Baby
  3. and baby makes three
  4. Southern Fried Chicken in Vegas
  5. Growing Itty-Bitty
  6. The Waiting
  7. MombieConfessions
  8. and, of course: brokencondoms

And now, 7 things about me!  I will try to make them all fascinating.

1.  I’m engaged.  And I’m getting married IN THREE DAYS.  Aaaand…I’m pregnant.  The title of this blog probably gave that away.  I’ve been dating the Lumberjack for 3.5 years, living together for 1.5, we’ve been talking marriage since the summer and got officially engaged in October.  Then sometime in late November or early December, BAM.  Shotgun Fetus showed up.  I don’t feel ashamed or embarassed about getting pregnant while unmarried, but I still want to keep this a secret for awhile longer because I’m worried that people will think we got married just because I’m pregnant.  Everyone was already wondering when we announced the engagement in October and then told everyone we were getting married in December.  Our reasoning made perfect sense: we wanted a small, family-only ceremony so it wouldn’t take long to plan, and some vital family members were going to be in town for xmas and probably wouldn’t be back in the country for another year or so.  But most people still wondered if it was a rush job due to impending parenthood.  So, I don’t want them to think they were right.  Or that I was lying when I told them I wasn’t pregnant, back when I swear I wasn’t!  Or at least didn’t know.  I don’t know.  I just want everyone to keep knowing that we are getting married because we’re in love and want to be legally bound for life.  So, they can hear about the baby a few months from now and maybe they won’t be able to do the math.

2.  I take my clothes off for money.  I’ve been in my burlesque troupe for 7 years, and I love the stage, the rhinestones, the glitter.  We do traditional bump-n-grind sort of numbers – we get booked for a lot of 20’s era corporate parties.  And, yes, we strip down to pasties and g-strings in at least half our performances (usually NOT the corporate parties).  Therefore I have no idea how a growing uterus will work in this venue.

3.  I’m a long-distance runner.  Last December, I decided that I wanted to run a Half Marathon.  I think it was just because someone posted about running one on Facebook?  I have no idea.  It came out of nowhere.  But then…I did it!  I trained for 6 months, and ran a bunch of shorter races, and this past June I ran my first Half.  And then in October I ran my second.  I’ve been planning to run my third this coming March, and to train for and run my first full marathon by next fall…I guess that’s not going to happen anymore.  I definitely want to keep running, and pending my first pre-natal visit in 2 weeks, I may be able to keep the March half, but I don’t see how I can train for my first marathon ever while growing a human being inside me.  That sounds unnecessarily draining.

4.  You pay my salary.  I quit being an attorney after a year when I realized how much it sucked.  Now I’m an investigator with the US Dept of Labor, and am SO MUCH HAPPIER.  I get to do all the fun attorney stuff – planning the case, investigating the facts, interviewing & deposing, etc…but none of that legal memo courtroom drama crap.  So, thanks for paying your federal taxes so that I can have a job.

5.  I am way too easily entertained.  Puns leave me giggling uncontrollably for 5+ minutes.  Commericals that most people think are stupid make me completely lose my mind.  The worse the joke, the more likely it is to send me on an unstoppable laughing loop.

6.  I live in Oakland, California, and I love it.  I grew up in the East Bay, until age 12 when my family packed up and moved to Bangkok.  After graduation, I came back to the States for college (Los Angeles), and then moved back up here in 1999 and have been here ever since.  I love Oakland the best.  The Lumberjack loves San Francisco the best.  I won him over to the East Side last year when we moved in together, seeing as how we can actually afford a cute place over here whereas over there we’d be stuck in a shitty studio.  He keeps dreaming of moving back across the Bay.  I just pat him and say “sure, baby, we can do that soon.”

7.  I like the way I look, and am totally scared that Shotgun Fetus is going to fuck it all up.