Flowergate 2013

I forgot about the best part of last month!

VALENTINES DAY

aka, the day I ruined my son’s life.

In case you have forgotten, I used to be a burlesque dancer. I have a shit-ton of costumes, sparkles, feathers, and random fabulous stuff that no longer gets much play. Therefore, when the holidays come around, LOOK OUT. Time to get fancy.

Everyone likes to dress up a baby! Everyone on facebook was posting photos of their cute little babies* in pink & red valentiney outfits! I was at work, and decided that first thing when I got home I would do the same.

* all these babies were girls. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

So, I got home, the Lumberjack went off to class, and I dressed up the baby. ADORABLE.

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This baby is ready for V-Day

Of course, since I am me, when it came to posting him on the FB, I went for humor. Therefore, I posted this:
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with the caption “Unlike his mother, Atticus does not enjoy dressing up for thematic photoshoots.”

AND THEN EVERYONE LOST THEIR DAMN MINDS.

My aunt threatened to take away my “mom card,” the Lumberjack’s cousin asked him if he knew and approved of this (luckily the Lumberjack responded with, essentially, “who the fuck cares”), and one of his random friends told me to “stick with bats and gloves.” At work, when I mentioned it to two coworkers (who are also my friends on FB) and laughed, thinking they would also find the response ridiculous, they both individually gave me shit about it.

In case you can’t see the photo, yes: I clipped a flower to my son’s hair. ALERT THE FUCKING AUTHORITIES.

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Please send help. My mom is clearly unfit.

I laughed it off to a point, but then…what the everloving fuck is wrong with everyone? It is a flower. It is a baby. It is a flower on a baby. I didn’t even pick a pink one! It’s red! He’s dressed in red & white! I THOUGHT THOSE WERE ACCEPTABLE BOY COLORS.

I get so frustrated with the stupid fucking gender rules around kids and their clothes. Everything is so strict, and people get so upset if you don’t follow them correctly. And no one can explain why. With one coworker, I tried to make her verbalize what, exactly, the problem was. She said “But…he’s a boy! It’s mean!” what’s mean? “Putting a flower on him!” why? “Because he’s a boy!” and so on. Circular logic IS NOT LOGIC.

Finally when my cousin made some crack about how one day he’s going to be a teenager, I responded:
“Yep, and if I do my job right, he’ll be a teenager with a strong sense of self who isn’t embarrassed or threatened by a flower. And besides, who are we to assume he won’t grow up to LIKE wearing flowers? He’s a baby – he doesn’t even know what gender IS, let along how he wants to express his. So it’s my responsibility to show him myriad options, then love and support whatever he chooses. So until he can dress himself, he gets camouflage outfits, pink pajamas, onesies with a football on the butt, and a flower in his hair. I think he’ll be okay.”

fucking hell.

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7 Comments

  1. I think your photo is hilarious and people are just stupid. Our kids will all be embarrassed by us when they get older, no matter what we do now. At least you’ll have a funny story about how he hated getting dressed up to share with him.

    Reply
  2. jess

     /  March 12, 2013

    It amazes me how people make their gender anxiety YOUR PROBLEM.

    At a family dinner a couple weeks ago, I said we plan to find out the sexes of our babies, but we’re not interested in princess stuff or sports stuff until the babies are old enough to ask for it themselves. MIL made a face like I had slapped her. Oh, yay, this will be fun.

    Reply
  3. Here here! It’s funny how people get so bent out of shape. It’s a baby, who cares how he’s dressed?! Sometimes my daughter wears blue and people look at me like I beat her. Goodness!

    Reply
  4. So.Ridiculous. I second everything Jess said. Not your baby, not your problem.

    Reply
  5. Hahaha ur awesome.

    Reply
  6. We have a pink baby grow. We got given it in a big pile of stuff from friends. Contrary to popular belief he didn’t explode when he touched it.

    Reply

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