Four Months with Atticus

Look at me, posting just one day after the baby got one month older. Blogging: I’m right on top of it, Rose.

This month was exciting! He’s doing so many new things with his body!
I took him swimming for the first time, and he was PSYCHED. Look at him in the changing room in his swim diaper – he can barely stand it. He is a total fish. When I first pulled him into the pool, I assumed I would hold him vertically upright and just bob around for awhile. But no! He immediately stretched out horizontally and started kicking! MY BABY’S A GENIUS, Y’ALL. So around and around the pool we went, with him kicking and occasionally even doing the crawl stroke! Whaaaaaat. Anyway, we’ve gone a few times this month, and each time he tries something new (he can now float on his back with just one hand holding up his head). We’re going to start baby swim classes in the spring, but until then my kid & I are hanging out together in the pool, making the other swimmers swoon.

He’s also rolling onto either side now all by himself, as well as pushing up on his feet to make a bridge when he’s laying on his back. And when I pull him up to a sitting position, he pulls himself up with my help instead of just being dragged along. It’s so fun to see these changes in him, and to realize how much he still has to learn.

He’s also gotten really into music lately. He still prefers “Baby Beluga” (what is up with babies and that song?!), but he’s branched out a bit. Elizabeth Mitchell is our current favorite – “Peace Like a River” is so sweet and cheerful, and so easy to sing along with. He LOVES it when I sing along to music. He’ll be happily listening to something, then the second I start singing he opens his eyes wide and gets a huge grin on his face. I think this kid will love karaoke.

The other night I was dancing him around the room singing along with Hangin’ Tough (thanks, Pandora), and he started laughing so hard he gave himself hiccups.


hangin’ SO tough

and when he laughs he makes noise, now! It’s amazing! He used to just silently chuckle at things, but now you can actually hear it, and it’s awesome. The Lumberjack calls it “the best sound ever” and it really is.

This baby also wants to chew on everything now. EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING INTO HIS MOUTH.
He’s gotten pretty good at pulling things to his mouth, but his preference is still to bring his mouth to the thing. So he grabs something in his hand, and then slowly drops his head down with his mouth open like a little fish (BABY FISH MOUTH*) until he makes contact. My mom said he looks like Winston Churchill, all huddled over. An ADORABLE Winston Churchill, sure.

*the Lumberjack had NO IDEA what I was talking about when I shouted “baby fish mouth!” the other day. I don’t even know what to do with this information.

So, I’m back at work. And yes, there’s still a post that goes with that, but not now because it’s Friday afternoon and I don’t feel like it. The Lumberjack is taking great care of that kid, although I know they miss me terribly. He texts me photos throughout the day of their adventures:


this picture was accompanied by
“he’s going to join the Misfits”


vintage Mount Diablo

I miss them ūüė¶

We do still get to have adventures as a family on the weekends. Last week we went to a Winter Solstice event up in the Berkeley hills, and the weather was…not great.
Luckily the baby just went with it.

And of course the month was capped with Christmas!
I really love Christmas. I love buying/making presents for my loved ones, and the food, and music…it’s great. Warm & fuzzy, etc. My family’s tradition has been to get ornaments every year, and I want to continue that with Atticus. This year I decided to make his!
It helped that he had no idea what I was doing, so I could work on it in front of him. The back is covered in gold sparkles. I wish I could wear it as a small hat.

For Christmas he sat up in a high chair by himself! He slumped to the side, and got sick of it real quick, but still. Look at him go.

It's cool, I'm four months old...whatever.

It’s cool, I’m four months old, NBD.


Oh, breastfeeding.

It’s happened. I’m forgetting about post-natal¬†things that were difficult, and am viewing the early weeks through a rosy tint of love.¬† I think this is because I’m already planning on Shotgun Fetus #2, so I don’t want to remember anything that was hard.¬† Everything was great!¬† Let’s do it again!*¬† So it comes as no surprise that I am in love with breastfeeding, can do it at the drop of a bra strap, and seem to think it was always this easy.

* “let’s do it again!” was literally the first thing I said to the Lumberjack, post-birth

I have been lucky, it’s true.¬† I produce an obscene amount of milk, and always have.¬† For example: Atticus eats 8-10oz while I’m at work.¬† I pump over 20oz while I’m at work.¬† THE FREEZER IS OVERFLOWING.¬† The other night I was lying on my left side feeding the kid, when I noticed that my right boob (it’s the over-achiever, and always produces 1-2oz more than the other) was squirting a little fountain of milk, straight up into the air.¬† I admired its beauty for a minute before mopping it up.

Atticus also latches on nicely, and without any pain.¬† Without any pain ANYMORE.¬† This is what I’m forgetting.¬† The “HOLY FUCK GODDAMN” that I used to shout out when he would latch, the way I would glare at the Lumberjack when he innocently suggested that I feed the kid, the feeling akin to someone squeezing & pinching my nipples when nothing was actually touching them…I have forgotten all of these things, and instead just love the fuck out of breastfeeding.

It feels good.¬† Is it possible to say that without it sounding weirdly sexual or otherwise inappropriate?¬† One of the surprising things about breastfeeding is how completely non-sexual it is.¬† I mean, these are my tits.¬† I’ve spent almost a decade exposing them for cash & performing with them in The Sexy Way.¬† Things have “felt good” involving my boobs for more than half my life now, so it’s odd to say breastfeeding feels good, since it’s my kid using my boob for food.¬† But…it does.¬† In the same way a massage feels good, rubbing a sore muscle or someone’s hand on your forehead.¬† My breasts don’t really hurt much from storing up milk (except for when I go 3+ hours without nursing or pumping and then OW), but they still feel full, so having them slowly drained feels nice.¬† Soothing.

Watching his little jaw moving rhythmically while his eyes roll back in his head is also great.¬† And when he hums.¬† When he pushes gently on my boob like he’s trying to pump more milk out of it.¬† Especially when he’s crying from hunger, and then when I’m almost settled in to feed him and am finally pulling down the bra strap he starts making this crying chuckle sound, like he’s still upset but can’t not also be excited about what’s about to happen.¬† And when he falls asleep next to me with a little sigh, and I know that I built that, I grew that, I’m sustaining that.

that little dude has passed the hell out.

that little dude has passed the hell out.

Three Months with Atticus

My baby is 3 months old!  Of course, the next day he started wearing 6mo clothing.  Good lord.IMG_3925

Breastfeeding is still fantastic (my milk supply got Seriously Out Of Control).  The only tricky thing is that my ridiculously long baby now hangs off my lap, so nursing in public has gotten more difficult.  I love having him curled up in my lap, but he needs extra pillows to support his entire body, so the quick restaurant feed is now an ordeal as he writhes around, trying to get comfortable.  However!  The other day I nursed him in the Ergo baby carrier, in the baking aisle of the grocery store!  That was pretty awesome.  Especially when an older couple came up to coo at him and got all up in his face, then realized what they were looking at (aka my boob) and practically ran away.  Oops.

He’s turning into a kid!¬† He plays with a toy!¬† Well, he grasps it, pulls it up to his mouth, and then frantically tries to shove it in his mouth while licking it all over.IMG_3917¬† This kid wants everything to be in his mouth.¬† His favorite trick is to shove one fist in his mouth, then use the other hand to push his fist in farther.¬† ?!¬† He has been known to do this until he gags himself.¬† Charming.

He's not always pleased about the weather

He’s not always pleased about the weather

The weather¬† has gotten colder, which means I have to bundle this baby up more.¬† Our apartment is freezing, so he’s wrapped up as much as possible.¬† I miss seeing his soft skin!¬† It’s fun taking him outside with everything all crisp and cool, though, since he’s perked up and pays much more attention now to his surroundings.¬† He’s big enough to face outwards in the carrier, and he seems to be taking everything in.¬† He likes to hold each of my pointer fingers in has hands, like he’s steering me around.

Baby knows that napping is the best part of Thanksgiving.

Baby knows that napping is the best part of Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving was low-key this year.¬† The Lumberjack’s brother came down and we went to my parents’ house.¬† We had the usual food stuff, with the usual family issues (aka my mom still hasn’t accepted that she doesn’t like to do the whole big cooking/hosting thing, and that’s FINE and we’re all perfectly happy anyway, so enough with the pretending and the apologizing let’s just order food from somewhere else and enjoy each other’s company!), but we had a BABY!¬† He was adorable and in a lovely mood and took a bunch of naps so that I could drink beer.¬† Nice job, kid.

I went back to work the day before he turned 3 months old.  That is its own post, really.

Okay, to be honest it’s way past him turning 3 months old.¬† He’s over 3.5 months at this point.¬† So I don’t really remember what happened last month as opposed to what’s happening now, so I’ll stop here and just promise myself to get on my 4 month post faster!

Also, the shooting in Connecticut this morning has totally fucked with my head.¬† I got home and couldn’t squeeze him hard enough.¬† This morning I woke up around 6:30am California time, and he was lying there, wide awake, his eyes and mouth both open huge all happy & smiling.¬† He’s always so happy in the morning.¬† I just watched him for awhile, thinking about how lucky I am to have this amazing baby, and just falling in love with him all over again.¬† Then I find out later that at that exact time, across the country there were 5yo babies being fucking slaughtered.¬† I can’t even understand this.

My baby is 3 months old.

My baby is 3 months old.