Week 15: So Many Feeeeeelings

Last week started off a bit rough.  I was still feeling all tired and pukey and first-trimestery, and I was not enjoying it.  At about mid-week, I also got hit with a Serious Case of the Jealousy.

I do not want to be a stay-at-home mom.  I know that it is best for myself, my husband, my future baby, my family, my everything for me to have a career.  Everyone wins!  I love supporting our home, I love my job, I love making a difference and helping people everyday.  My job is good.  I know this.

However!  Man, I am seriously fucking jealous right now of every pregnant person who has the privilege of choosing how long to stay home with the new baby.  The federal government gives no paid maternity leave whatsoever, so the only paid time off I get is what I can cobble together from my annual leave & my sick time.  Taking unpaid leave is simply impossible for our family, since my income is the only one we’ve got.  I think I’ll have almost 3 months saved up by the time I’m due (hooray for my crazy paranoia of taking time off and my generally healthiness not requiring much sick time – I have no idea what we would do if I didn’t have so much already saved), and I know that’s probably enough.  But still, I’m pissed that I won’t be able to take more in case I need it.  That once my time runs out, I’ll have no choice but to head back to work, regardless of what I’m leaving behind.

I don’t want to take a year off, or never go back – I just want the option of another month or two.  And I’m super jealous that other people get that, and I don’t.

SO I AM MAD.  But, working on it.

Shorts and sandals in early March. Good luck with the environment when you're my age, fetus.

In other emotional news, I THINK I may have hit the magical second trimester that had been promised (albeit a few weeks late).  Maybe.  But holy crap I was in a great mood all weekend.  The weather was FANTASTIC (although the fact that it was 72 degrees in March did make me fear for the future world I’m passing on to the kid), and I spent a ton of time outdoors.  Went for a 4-mile walk with some friends Saturday morning, then wandered around the Port of Oakland with the Lumberjack all afternoon on Sunday.  It was a perfect weekend mix of social time, husband time, and lay on the couch and watch tv time.  And I felt practically giddy.  Finally my pregnancy hormones are working for good, not evil.

Last night the Lumberjack woke me up at 3:30 – apparently Bella was meowing a bunch.  He shook my hand until I woke up, then sleep-babbled that Bella was annoying him, but that she was warning us that we had forgotten to do something for the baby.  He mumbled some other things, then promptly fell back asleep.  I, however, was wide awake for another 45 minutes or so.  Thanks, dude.  Then I finally fell asleep, only to be woken up at 5:30 by a pretty substantial earthquake.  We are all fine, although the cats did not enjoy it.  The Lumberjack spent the entire earthquake with his arm across my belly; I just stared at the bookcase using my jedi mind powers to keep it from falling over.  Next time the cats are annoying, I will definitely pay attention.

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  1. Wow, i’ve never felt an earthquake before, i guess i would be pretty freaked if I was pregnant to boot! That’s one smart kitty! Glad you’re all okay!

  2. I know what you mean about the maternity leave. I have never worked for a place that didn’t make you use your vacation time for maternity leave (which is TOTAL CRAP, by the way…) I was really worried about it, myself, so I can totally identify. I would have had to take short term disability (which I had a seperate policy for) and that still would have only likely paid for six weeks. It really is sad that women don’t have more options.


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