Week 18: I can can-can (for now)

Does this costume make me look pregnant?

I capped off a relatively happy and uneventful week with one of my last burlesque shows as a pregnant lady.  We did a bunch of high-impact/energy numbers which definitely took its toll afterward as I panted in the dressing room.  It’s official – I don’t think I should be can-can-ing anymore!

We have two more shows in April, but we’re just doing one number in each and it’s not too high-impact, so I think I should be fine.  But…my stomach seems to have exploded because suddenly I Seriously Look Pregnant.  We altered the costume for April’s shows to cover my belly, but still.  I’m not feeling burlesque-y in the same way as I used to, so I’m glad that I won’t be performing much longer.

Otherwise week 18 was pretty relaxed.  Saw my midwife again and heard the baby’s heartbeat – this time it was super syncopated and sounded like the bass line of a rap song.  I felt a few flutters that seemed like it could be Baby Movement, but nothing much.

Oh, and I ate an entire jar of peanut butter.   And it was DELICIOUS.

Week 17: So long, belly button.

My belly button is on its way out.  It is currently very wide and flat, and at any given second it’s going to pop out and then I’m going to have a big nipple under my shirt poking out saying hi.  The Lumberjack is thrilled with this change – he gently pokes it every chance he can get, and soothingly says how cute it is.  We have agreed to disagree.

My endurance has gone to pot.  We went on a walk yesterday – maybe 20 minutes?  Walked up to the tea shop like a refined married couple, had some tea, browsed in a bookstore, picked up some groceries, walked home.  Halfway there I had to stop because I was panting from exertion.  Panting from walking!  I ran two half marathons last year!  This is ridiculous.

 

on the roof

No other real changes this week, although I’m pretty much officially Looking Pregnant now.  I have my bi-weekly check in with my supervisor on Thursday, so I’m going to tell her then.  It will be nice to be able to embrace my cute new shirts instead of trying to hide in baggy sweaters.

Oh, I almost fainted on bart again this morning.  Like the last time, the train was super crowded and warm, and I was still all bundled up.  I felt awkward asking for a seat when it was already packed, so I just smooshed up against the wall…after about 15 minutes I started seeing spots and feeling really woozy, and I could tell exactly what was about to happen.  Luckily that was when we hit the first San Francisco stop, so a third of the car emptied and I was able to grab a seat.  I quickly took off my coat and scarf, and sat there panting a little bit while other people did their best to look like they weren’t staring at me.  Note to self: be the honey badger on bart train.  Don’t give a shit – take what you want.  I want a seat!  Done.

Also!  How cute is my tiny nephew?!?!  Seriously, this kid is killing me he is so freaking cute.  I keep obsessively looking through my brother’s facebook album of pictures, even when I know there’s nothing new.  I just stare at the same pictures over and over.  Which is weird for me – babies are cute and all, but usually I only want to see 2 or 3 pictures before it gets pretty boring because they aren’t really doing much.  But this baby?  I will stare at his face no matter what he does.  Or doesn’t do.  Oh man.  So totally adorable.

I’M AN AUNT

My sister-in-law had her baby!  I AM SO EXCITED I CANNOT CONTROL MYSELF.

Image

Matt is on the right (that’s me & my bros at my wedding), and his wife just had a baby.  3.14kg (they’re in Vietnam), born on 03/14.  It’s like a super Pi baby.

PSA: I feel better.

I left work yesterday at 3:30, went home and sat on the couch with the Lumberjack.  Read books for a few hours, enjoying the late afternoon sunshine.  Had a cat sit on my head/shoulder and purr for awhile.  Ate some spaghetti.  Went to bed at 9pm.

Woke up at 7am, put on a cute outfit, had a good hair morning.  Things are looking up.

Week 16: I hate everything.

I may or may not be in a rotten mood today.

The fetus is the size of an avocado!  It sounds so cute!  Up until last Wednesday or Thursday, everything was adorable.  Then something happened and my hormones went insane and now everything sucks.  SUCKS.  EVERYTHING.  EVERYTHING SUCKS.

I had a horrible nightmare the other night that the Lumberjack left me and I woke up sobbing.  Like, seriously, body-shaking sobs.  I had to grab on his finger with his wedding ring to get back to sleep.  All weekend I was the most impatient and cranky person ever.  I had to do laundry on Saturday.  So?  Did I do laundry?  I did!  But first I got way too pissy at the Lumberjack for using up all our quarters, then broke down sobbing in the living room yelling at him for an apology (yes, you read that correctly: I demanded that HE apologize to ME).

SERIOUSLY WHAT IS UP WITH THESE HORMONES.

Yesterday was better but I’m just plagued with this deep pit of sadness.  Which is based on absolutely nothing that I can figure out, which of course makes it useless.  I’m about 4 seconds from breaking down crying at any given moment.  This is exhausting.

And then I went and told Facebook that I’m pregnant, which I kind of didn’t mean to do, but of course I did because What Else Did I Expect when posting about how much I miss beer.  And I forgot (or did I?  who knows; I am SELF DESTRUCTIVE LIKE A CRAZY PERSON) that some of the Lumberjack’s friends are my friends and so now they all know I’m knocked up and TRUE it’s been a month since we started telling people, so at this point it’s all out there

BUT STILL YOU GUYS I HATE EVERYTHING.

And then to top it all off, I am consumed with guilt over what my emotions/hormones are doing to the fetus.  Am I passing on stress vibes or something?  Wasn’t there a study done where depressed moms ruined their children’s lives?

aaaaaaaand I think I need a nap.  No photo this week because I forgot, what with all the ANGST.

Freecycle. Seriously.

Freecycle is the shit.

http://www.freecycle.org/group/US

GO THERE.  Last night I went to pick up a changing table – a basic Ikea table that is in perfect condition, FREE.  Then, while there, the woman asked whether I wanted a brand new breast pump.  Sure, that sounds good.  Oh, what about a Baby Bjorn?  And a Moby wrap?  And a brand new baby blanket?  WHAT ABOUT ALL THIS OTHER STUFF?

Seriously, you guys, it is all FREE.  You post what you’re looking for, and someone responds!  Or, you browse the offers, and email to claim!  It is so easy!  And it feels nice to be reusing/recycling instead of pouring cash into the crazy Industrial Baby Complex.

Also, tonight someone is coming to pick up the old table and chairs that are just taking up space in the back room.  Take my table and chairs!  They are free!

EVERYTHING SHOULD BE FREE.  Except my work, which I should probably get back to if I want to earn the paycheck.

Week 15: So Many Feeeeeelings

Last week started off a bit rough.  I was still feeling all tired and pukey and first-trimestery, and I was not enjoying it.  At about mid-week, I also got hit with a Serious Case of the Jealousy.

I do not want to be a stay-at-home mom.  I know that it is best for myself, my husband, my future baby, my family, my everything for me to have a career.  Everyone wins!  I love supporting our home, I love my job, I love making a difference and helping people everyday.  My job is good.  I know this.

However!  Man, I am seriously fucking jealous right now of every pregnant person who has the privilege of choosing how long to stay home with the new baby.  The federal government gives no paid maternity leave whatsoever, so the only paid time off I get is what I can cobble together from my annual leave & my sick time.  Taking unpaid leave is simply impossible for our family, since my income is the only one we’ve got.  I think I’ll have almost 3 months saved up by the time I’m due (hooray for my crazy paranoia of taking time off and my generally healthiness not requiring much sick time – I have no idea what we would do if I didn’t have so much already saved), and I know that’s probably enough.  But still, I’m pissed that I won’t be able to take more in case I need it.  That once my time runs out, I’ll have no choice but to head back to work, regardless of what I’m leaving behind.

I don’t want to take a year off, or never go back – I just want the option of another month or two.  And I’m super jealous that other people get that, and I don’t.

SO I AM MAD.  But, working on it.

Shorts and sandals in early March. Good luck with the environment when you're my age, fetus.

In other emotional news, I THINK I may have hit the magical second trimester that had been promised (albeit a few weeks late).  Maybe.  But holy crap I was in a great mood all weekend.  The weather was FANTASTIC (although the fact that it was 72 degrees in March did make me fear for the future world I’m passing on to the kid), and I spent a ton of time outdoors.  Went for a 4-mile walk with some friends Saturday morning, then wandered around the Port of Oakland with the Lumberjack all afternoon on Sunday.  It was a perfect weekend mix of social time, husband time, and lay on the couch and watch tv time.  And I felt practically giddy.  Finally my pregnancy hormones are working for good, not evil.

Last night the Lumberjack woke me up at 3:30 – apparently Bella was meowing a bunch.  He shook my hand until I woke up, then sleep-babbled that Bella was annoying him, but that she was warning us that we had forgotten to do something for the baby.  He mumbled some other things, then promptly fell back asleep.  I, however, was wide awake for another 45 minutes or so.  Thanks, dude.  Then I finally fell asleep, only to be woken up at 5:30 by a pretty substantial earthquake.  We are all fine, although the cats did not enjoy it.  The Lumberjack spent the entire earthquake with his arm across my belly; I just stared at the bookcase using my jedi mind powers to keep it from falling over.  Next time the cats are annoying, I will definitely pay attention.