We got married!

Ta da! Now the Shotgun Fetus will be born into an acceptable home.

It was beautiful, awesome, and fun. Totally perfect. Everyone cried! Mission accomplished!

Now to celebrate NYE with my husband! Holy crap. Happy New Year, everyone.



I got an award!  So exciting!

Thanks so much to Broken Condoms (the irony of thanking failed birth control is not lost on me) for linking to me – I’m still brand new, and totally appreciate being connected with more people.  Especially pregnant people who will post things that make me feel more normal.  Get on that, won’t you?

I’m not following many people yet, especially since no one knows I’m pregnant so I can’t connect this blog with anyone I know.  But here are the blogs I’ve been reading so far:

  1. I’ll Sleep When They’re Grown
  2. Dear #$&!% Baby
  3. and baby makes three
  4. Southern Fried Chicken in Vegas
  5. Growing Itty-Bitty
  6. The Waiting
  7. MombieConfessions
  8. and, of course: brokencondoms

And now, 7 things about me!  I will try to make them all fascinating.

1.  I’m engaged.  And I’m getting married IN THREE DAYS.  Aaaand…I’m pregnant.  The title of this blog probably gave that away.  I’ve been dating the Lumberjack for 3.5 years, living together for 1.5, we’ve been talking marriage since the summer and got officially engaged in October.  Then sometime in late November or early December, BAM.  Shotgun Fetus showed up.  I don’t feel ashamed or embarassed about getting pregnant while unmarried, but I still want to keep this a secret for awhile longer because I’m worried that people will think we got married just because I’m pregnant.  Everyone was already wondering when we announced the engagement in October and then told everyone we were getting married in December.  Our reasoning made perfect sense: we wanted a small, family-only ceremony so it wouldn’t take long to plan, and some vital family members were going to be in town for xmas and probably wouldn’t be back in the country for another year or so.  But most people still wondered if it was a rush job due to impending parenthood.  So, I don’t want them to think they were right.  Or that I was lying when I told them I wasn’t pregnant, back when I swear I wasn’t!  Or at least didn’t know.  I don’t know.  I just want everyone to keep knowing that we are getting married because we’re in love and want to be legally bound for life.  So, they can hear about the baby a few months from now and maybe they won’t be able to do the math.

2.  I take my clothes off for money.  I’ve been in my burlesque troupe for 7 years, and I love the stage, the rhinestones, the glitter.  We do traditional bump-n-grind sort of numbers – we get booked for a lot of 20’s era corporate parties.  And, yes, we strip down to pasties and g-strings in at least half our performances (usually NOT the corporate parties).  Therefore I have no idea how a growing uterus will work in this venue.

3.  I’m a long-distance runner.  Last December, I decided that I wanted to run a Half Marathon.  I think it was just because someone posted about running one on Facebook?  I have no idea.  It came out of nowhere.  But then…I did it!  I trained for 6 months, and ran a bunch of shorter races, and this past June I ran my first Half.  And then in October I ran my second.  I’ve been planning to run my third this coming March, and to train for and run my first full marathon by next fall…I guess that’s not going to happen anymore.  I definitely want to keep running, and pending my first pre-natal visit in 2 weeks, I may be able to keep the March half, but I don’t see how I can train for my first marathon ever while growing a human being inside me.  That sounds unnecessarily draining.

4.  You pay my salary.  I quit being an attorney after a year when I realized how much it sucked.  Now I’m an investigator with the US Dept of Labor, and am SO MUCH HAPPIER.  I get to do all the fun attorney stuff – planning the case, investigating the facts, interviewing & deposing, etc…but none of that legal memo courtroom drama crap.  So, thanks for paying your federal taxes so that I can have a job.

5.  I am way too easily entertained.  Puns leave me giggling uncontrollably for 5+ minutes.  Commericals that most people think are stupid make me completely lose my mind.  The worse the joke, the more likely it is to send me on an unstoppable laughing loop.

6.  I live in Oakland, California, and I love it.  I grew up in the East Bay, until age 12 when my family packed up and moved to Bangkok.  After graduation, I came back to the States for college (Los Angeles), and then moved back up here in 1999 and have been here ever since.  I love Oakland the best.  The Lumberjack loves San Francisco the best.  I won him over to the East Side last year when we moved in together, seeing as how we can actually afford a cute place over here whereas over there we’d be stuck in a shitty studio.  He keeps dreaming of moving back across the Bay.  I just pat him and say “sure, baby, we can do that soon.”

7.  I like the way I look, and am totally scared that Shotgun Fetus is going to fuck it all up.

xmas with no beer

Just got home from Christmas at my parents’ house.  Our entire family was there, which hardly ever happens – my parents, both brothers, one sister-in-law and one sister-in-law-to-be, me, the Lumberjack (fiance and babydaddy), and the Lumberjack’s 2 brothers.  Total full house.  Did I mention that we’re not telling anyone I’m pregnant yet?

My older brother and I don’t necessary have that much in common, but we both love beer.  A few years ago when I started dating the Lumberjack, the first non-queer cis-gendered man I’d dated in, oh, a decade, he was PSYCHED.  Finally, I had a boyfriend he wanted to talk to.  And finally we had something to do together – drink beer.  And drink lots of it.

So, imagine his probable frustration when I show up and don’t want to drink anything.  And he kept pouring rounds of champagne, mimosas, beers, etc.  I tried to sip a bit and then abandon my glass somewhere, but he clearly was getting annoyed, and confused.  Isn’t beer the way we bond?  It was awkward.

My mom & I got in a weird pseudo-fight – the usual miscommunications, etc.  But I found myself feeling a lot more patient with her, and much more emotionally invested in the conversation.  I used to just blow her off and/or get annoyed, but suddenly I realised HOLY SHIT IN EIGHT MONTHS I’M GOING TO BE A MOM.  And suddenly I realised how many ways I could totally fuck shit up.  And you know, my mom really does try.

I hope my sips of beer didn’t give little Shotgun Fetus gills.

Just heard a coworker in the bathroom stall next to me opening something in plastic and then closing the little sanitary napkin disposal thingy.  Kind of wanted to leap over the wall and punch her in the face for bragging.

I may or may not be thinking rationally.

Shotgun Fetus

December 20, 2011. 10 days to go until the wedding, and I find out I’m pregnant.